In Defense of Marriage

So, if you've just woken up from a early summer coma, welcome back to the world. You may not realize that just the other day, the Supreme Court of the US has made same-sex marriage bans illegal. Also, you may not know that much of the general population has been celebrating ever since. And wouldn't you know it, much of the Christian population is feeling defeated. There is also a part of the Christian population that is celebrating the SCOTUS decision. Much to the chagrin of many of my Christian friends, I find myself in this camp.

Now I understand many people will say things like, "How can you just ignore clear biblical direction? What about what Paul wrote in Romans, what about what's written in the OT?" I even saw one post shared on facebook that was something like "40 Questions for the Rainbow Flag Waving Christian". I understand these questions, and even though you may not believe me, I have wrestled with these questions myself before landing on my stance. And, because I'm me and you're not, I believe that I have a greater grasp on these questions than the ones asking them. (Have I mentioned that sometimes I struggle with pride?)

Ok, so I'll try and keep this post short, but inevitably it will be lengthy and cover a number of different complex things, because the topic of same-sex marriage (especially the stance against it) is a complex issue and cannot be boiled down to one short post (or even 40 ill-directed questions).

What this isn't is a critique on the author of the Gospel Coalition post. I don't read his stuff (I stumbled upon this one), I don't know the author, and based on him leading a reformed church I know that I disagree with him on a lot of things. The article did an amazing job at listing the exact wrong question to be asking because as much as the opponents of the SCOTUS decision want to make the ruling about marriage, it isn't. As much as opponents want to say the ruling will destroy the sanctity of marriage, it won't. And as much as it feels like a slap in the Christian's face, it's not.

In the last couple years there have been a number of different surveys to quantify the LGBT population. Each study has seen a result as low as 1.6% up to 6.8%. Experts say that the average generally hovers around the 5% range. That means this marriage destroying ruling will affect one in twenty of your friends. As far as numbers go, not that significant. As far as people go, extremely significant for your gay friend.

Now here is why the ruling opponents are wrong, or misguided, and why they are wrong about it perverting the sanctity of marriage. According to the American Psychological Association, "...about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher." Some stats have that number down around the 30-35% range. But what is interesting is that the Barna group has stated, "when evangelicals and non-evangelical born again Christians are combined into an aggregate class of born again adults, their divorce figure is statistically identical to that of non-born again adults: 32% versus 33%, respectively." Now I understand that this info is a bit dated from seven years ago. But it doesn't seem to be the type of information that would go the other way. I don't think that the information would go from 40% to 25%. These types of statistics tend to get worse over time. Which means there's at least a one in four chance that you have been divorced, maybe a one in two depending on which study you read. Which then means that while your gay friend wants nothing more than to have the same rights as their 19 heterosexual friends, you (or your best friend) are in the process of signing divorce papers.

So why do I bring up divorce? We're talking about same-sex marriage and how it will destroy the sanctity of marriage. We're talking about how gay and lesbian marriage will infect the next generation with bad juju, or something, right? It's about marriage, it's about the kids, it's about acceptance of sin and the annihilation of our God fearing, Biblically sound society....right? Wrong! If it were about the sanctity of marriage, the greater battle ground would be legislation against divorce. Divorce has affected at least a third of our population, maybe half. I bet you could list off a series of people that you know that have had their lives changed by divorce directly or indirectly. Divorce has shaped the Millennial generation far more than anything else. So much so that now it is commonplace for single parents to celebrate both Mother's Day and Father's Day. AND THEY SHOULD. Single parents have had to shoulder the child-rearing responsibilities at an ever increasing frequency in the past century. But it's homosexuality that will destroy the coming generations? Seriously? The sanctity of marriage will be destroyed by two loving same-sex individuals joined in a monogamous relationship that's recognized by the state, but multiple marriages and divorces doesn't? You quote Romans, what about Matthew 5:31-32? Mark 10:11-12? Romans 7:2-3? Deuteronomy 22:19? And these are just a couple that I did a quick Google search on. Where are the Christians condemning divorce? Nowhere, that's where. Why? Because it's socially acceptable, it's common. Did we give up that fight that will influence our closest circle of friends to fight something that kind of, distantly, doesn't really affect us at all? That's cowardice. That's shameful. That's hypocrisy. Why is it ok for you to cherry-pick sins, but not me? But I'm not actually cherry-picking theology. More on this later. Now on to morality.

Let's just assume homosexuality is immoral (I'm not saying it is or isn't, I'm just setting up an argument). Are we okay with our government legislating based on morality? I understand the argument is then, "Murder is a moral issue, should we legalize murder?" Of course not. Murder, across all theologies, ideologies, and rational thought is wrong. Christians (not extremist Christians), Muslims (not extremist Muslims), Buddhists, Hindus, Mormons, atheists, agnostics, even your crazy aunt Jean think that murder is wrong. But many schools of thought are on the fence with homosexuality, it's not a universal belief that homosexuality is wrong or immoral. With such a diverse field of beliefs, how can our government legislate this particular moral principle or another? They can't, they shouldn't. But what about justice?

This is a justice issue. This is an issue of legalized discrimination. Discrimination: the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people or things, especially on the grounds of race, age, or sex. This is the simplest thing to understand of this issue. If states were allowed to ban marriage of same-sex couples, they are banning marriage benefits, hospital visitation privileges, insurance benefits, parental benefits, not being looked at strangely when I hold my wife's hand at a restaurant, basically everything I take advantage of when I say or think, "Oh, it's ok, she's my wife," solely based on a person's sexual orientation. It is discrimination and discrimination has been illegal since the 70's. It is unjust, and this sort of ban based on legalized morality have no place in our legislation.

Now on to the theological side of us "Rainbow Flag Waiving Christians". Those of us that are okay with the SCOTUS decision look at the gospel on the macro level. Many of the questions I've been asked have to do with, "How do you handle this verse? What verse makes you overlook this other verse? What verse do you use to counter Paul's verse?"

I can answer all of these with the following reasons:

a) Jesus said, "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.' And the second is this, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment other than these. (Matthew 12:30-31) Legalized discrimination has no place in me loving my neighbor as myself. And if Jesus said it, it generally holds a lot of weight in the scriptures. You know, that whole God-breathed thing.

b) Jesus is God. "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him." (John 3:16-17) How can the (whole) world be saved through Christ if we drive a wedge between us and those that need to hear the gospel? But what about 'in the world and not of it'? Do we sacrifice our morals to appease the masses? No, I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is that why would we be so against this and start each and every conversation behind? Think about what is implied by the people we're trying to reach and teach in love when we tell them we're Christian. Hypocrite, bigot, sexist, arrogant, Republican. I quit telling people I was a Christian because they automatically put a face on when interacting with me. What happened to love, joy, peace, patience, self-control, goodness, faithfulness, kindness, etc? Imagine the impact we could have on the world if we were known by the fruits of the spirit. How does refusing basic human decency to someone that is different fall into the fruits of the spirit?

c) God is love. The most condemning verse in the Bible is 1 John 4:8, "The one that does not love, does not know God. For God is love." Love veiled in a cloak of self-righteousness is not love. Taking a stand against something that has no affect on you is cheap, it's weak, it's easy. Love is not easy. Love requires personal investment in someone else. Love is the long road. Tough love is the short road that leads to a dead end. Love changes lives over the course of a lifetime. Tough love shows how little you care for someone and reassures the person's pain.

Imagine a world where Christians were more concerned about a person's heart instead of how they fit into our preconceived Christian mold. What if we actually invested ourselves in other people's lives instead of yelling criticisms from the sidelines? How much does our stance on this issue and others like it tell us about ourselves? Do we really think that same-sex marriage will corrupt the next generation more than divorce has over the last half century? If not, where are the protests and facebook infographics about how God hates divorce? Are we so insecure in our own marriages that we need to keep others from entering into it? The statistics say that about half of us apparently are.

Marriage and the next generation are under fire. But not from same-sex marriage. What the next generation needs to learn is that there is such a thing as unbridled love. The next generation needs to see that people can live in unity and love and it doesn't always end in chaos. How do we teach that? I teach my kids by example. We need to be the example. Go, be the best husband. Go, be the best wife. If there is a same-sex couple that can teach the same lesson to their kids, so be it, more to ya! Because after everything else falls away, love has, does, and will continue to remain (that's from 1 Corinthians 13).

One Man

You, are only one man. 

You are ONLY one man. 

The cry of the defeated

Echoes through the halls of the mind of the depleted

Is it true? Am I stuck?

Do I quit pushing forward and just give up?

The histories show contrary

Late nights and failed plights adding block to the foundation of the sanctuary

So am I defeated?

Have my ambitions receded?

Should I lay down my arms and embrace the green ribbon I thought I needed?

You are only ONE man. 

Old lies, false ties

Comply to my demise

But my savior screams contrary-wise

You are only one man...

But I am with you. 

Confront your anguish!

Confront your pain!

Confront the parts of you that are dying or lame

Grab hold of your weakness

Corral your insecurities

Extinguish those black flames and make way to ignite your new destiny

Embrace strength in your left hand 

Embrace wisdom in your right

Let the fires of ambition take hold and burn in the night

Set your eyes to the horizon

For a new dawn is on the cusp

New motivation, new ambition

A new plight that you can trust

For dawn is here, so let the night be the night

Darkness gone, oh how I long

To reside in the light 

One step, then two

Farther up and further in and to him I clutch

Because, I am only one MAN

But together, we can accomplish much!

Campfires and Candles

I love campfires. I love starting them with a little aid from some petroleum products, striking the match and then the big WHOOSH that forces the air past you.  The power, the strength, the heat.  I love sitting there with the fire and a poker and tooling around in the coals.  I love stoking the fire and getting it hotter and hotter and hotter.  And then feeding it more fuel to keep the flames burning.  The worst part of a campfire is extinguishing it.  If we didn't need sleep, I would be perfectly content sitting by a fire enjoying it for a week or longer.  Sitting there, staring into the flames. Searching for understanding in front of the mesmerizing dance of the fire. But when we extinguish it, we lose the heat, the light, the relaxation that comes from a campfire.

In today's Christianity, it is common to use fire as a metaphor for being spiritually alive.  As if our faith is a raging fire consuming us and igniting those around us.  I have experienced this. And I believe it is a great metaphor.  It may be over played, but my love of fires fuels my love of this comparison.

But the thing with fires is that eventually, no matter how hot and how fierce they are, eventually they do go out if they are not fed.  This is where I'm at today.  I feel as if my faith is a small flicker of a flame and I am searching desperately for some fuel to reignite it.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not turning away or recanting my faith.  Not even close.  But my flames, which once blazed bright as day, are now but a flicker. I feel that life has overwhelmed me and have smothered my fire.  I feel that my life circumstances which require me to work as much as i have to takes me from the fuel.  Takes me from things like working with charities, studying and deepening my knowledge and faith, but most importantly taking valuable and needed time away from relationships that need nothing but time together, with family, with friends, with God.

So how do we reconcile this? How do we keep life from taking the bucket of water and extinguishing our flame? How do we keep our busyness from smothering our hearts? How do we keep life from stripping from us that which we hold most dear?

Maybe it's just as simple as remembering that there is a time for everything. A time of happiness, a time of sorrow.  A time of being empty, a time if being full. A time of raging fires, and a time for flickering candles.

Keep and hold dear that God will never forsake us.  He will never leave us. If we give him the authority in our lives, he will guide us. This is the hope that we have to hold onto in order to reignite our faith.

May God's love burn bright as the sun within all of us.

-KaGe

Minnesota Defense of Marriage Act: A Christian Perspective

I have made it no secret how I'm going to vote on this come November.  Only recently was I finally asked by someone at church why I stand where I stand.  Here's the message I got, "I noticed you're voting against the Marriage Protection amendment, may I ask why?"

This is my response.  It is not an exhaustive study in the matter, it's what I've been wrestling over the past few months.   I've edited it slightly to be more blog friendly.


"Please, don't read this as if I'm angry, I'm not. This is a peaceful discussion on something that I've taken a lot of time to think about.

I am against the Minnesota Defense of Marriage Act for many reasons, political, moral and spiritual.

First political. The institution of marriage as recognized by the state and nation is mostly for tax and benefit reasons. Could you imagine not being able to visit your husband or wife in the emergency room because the government says you can't marry? I see no reason for the government to step between same-sex couples that desire marriage. I believe that it would be overstepping governmental limits.

Second, morally. I am morally opposed to the amendment because it is a blatant attempt to legalize discrimination within our society. I am opposed to discrimination in all ways.  If this is passes, it legalizes second-class citizenship much like pre-civil rights America. 

Third, and most importantly, I am against this spiritually. I would find myself a hypocrite if I voted for this. The scriptures used against same-sex marriage are stretched scripture at the most. If I were to vote for this based on the Old Testament scriptures, I would then have to be against wearing clothing of mixed fibers, or against eating pork chops (two things that are also forbidden in OT Law). Not to mention I would have lots of animal sacrifices to catch up on, and where would I sacrifice them? The Temple's been gone for years and you can't sacrifice animals without it. Take into account where Paul talks about dying to the Law (Gal. 2:19-20), and the OT Law argument falls apart pretty quickly.

So we look to the NT for arguments against Same-sex marriage. Still coming up short for support. The verses commonly referred to as banning homosexuality as despicable, when taken in context, are talking about people that do detestable things, "being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful; and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them." (Romans 1:29-30) I know people that are homosexual, and I've never known them to exude these qualities. Which proves to me that Paul wasn't talking about homosexuals, rather he was talking about evil people that hold unnatural relations.

And what are these unnatural relations? When looking at the original text and context, more times than not, it's talking about child molestation and rape, not a mutual lifelong relationships. Marriage in the time of Jesus was largely for property possession and other material reasons.  Marriage how we know it today was very new and almost unheard of.  Loving your wife?  Crazy.  So if marriage as we know it wasn't standard, why do we think that the Bible standardizes it in today's society?  And if marriage as we know it wasn't really addressed in the Bible, why would we expect same-sex marriage to be addressed?  Is it?  Or are we taking verses out of context to rationalize condemnation of something that we don't fully understand?

But put all of these semantics aside and get to the core of the Gospel, we are to love God and love others. And God is love. These verses overpower any argument for me. If God is love, and we are not God, how are we to fully understand love? God? Or are we able to? We can only know God as much as he reveals himself to us. I have found a greater understanding of what love is within my marriage and fatherhood. I experience God's love through my family. Who are we to say that God can't reveal his love through same sex couples? Wouldn't that be limiting God's power? Wouldn't that be limiting God's love, which is supposed to be limitless?  Who are we to say that same sex couples can't love a child like I love my kids?  Who are we to say that homosexuals can't know love?

But moreover, if the heterosexual church views homosexuality as a sin (not saying it is or isn't), they NEED it to be forgivable. God HAS to be able to work and minister through all people. Because even though not all people are homosexuals, every one of us has fallen into the shortcomings that Paul lists. And if homosexuals are condemned, then we are all condemned. 

So, after all of this consideration, this is why I'm voting no on the Minnesota Defense of Marriage Act.  Any way I cut it, I can't justify it.

Like I said, this is how I see it. I could be right or wrong, but lucky for us, God's grace allows us to be wrong.

Blessings to you."

-Kage.

An Interesting Thought at 7am.

Monday mornings I have to be at work a half hour early.  Which means that I'm in the parking lot waiting for my boss to open the door right at or before 7am.  My normal morning routine is to listen to NPR on the way to work (about 10 minutes, tops) to catch up on news and weather.  Being that there is no news except political news right now, I have been turning the station over to my other mainstay, Life 96.5 out of Sioux Falls.  Yes, it is a bit lovey-dovey.  Yes, I do blaze the worship songs loud and sing my heart out like a 13 year old girl at a Justin Bieber concert.  I don't usually gain a whole lot of spiritual insight from the partial talks I hear on my way to work, but I'm not really looking for that anyways.

This past week is was Hotdish Week.  Hotdish week is the week where they have their Fall Fund Drive or something like it.  "Hotdish Week" is a term my father-in-law termed saying, "It's the week where they dig to the back of the fridge and throw it all together and put it on the air."  Hence, Hotdish Week.

So they wrapped this fund drive up last week, and still have a little giving on the tail end going on, which mean that the morning show hosts take a little more time to talk about how great the station is.

Well, this morning they were talking about getting bogged down in the faith.  They were going on about how, from time to time, they get in the place in their study and prayer lives that they feel bogged down and just feel that they can't connect with God.  And this happens, this I know happens, I was stuck in this place for the better part of two years.  I felt like I couldn't connect with God.  I felt that through study and prayer that I was just reading and talking to myself.  I felt that singing the songs and trying to grow in my faith through reading books by my favorite authors should catapult me back into growth.  Only to be stymied and still in need of something.

I would have loved to take a long weekend and just get away, but with a new job that required 50+ hours of work each week, not to mention a 2 year old at home, it was just not in the cards.

So what was it?  Where was God in all my searching?  Where was God in my scripture studies?  I read about him, but I didn't have a holy 2x4 type moment.  Where was God in my prayers?  I was desperately seeking and begging, crying out for God to retake my heart and heal it.  Where was God in my worship?  I would sing my voice hoarse, only to feel nothing.  Where.  Was.  God?

I was at a point where I had a fowl taste of faith.  I was jaded, skeptical about all things faith oriented.  God had apparently abandoned me after I was cut through the heart.  Was this the great healing that God brings?  Abandonment?

I all of a sudden knew first hand why so many people get cut deep and leave their faith all together.  I was two steps from packing up that part of my life and putting it in the "Wasn't that fun back when" box.

The only thing that kept me from taping that box shut was way back when I first was fired.  At one of the lowest times after being fired, I was a wreck.  I was sitting in my bed one night, crying out to God, "I am hurting!  I am broken!  Everything we've done has been undone!  I am nothing..."
I lay there, still.  Quiet.  Residing in my moment of brokenness.  Then, when the tears faded, when my mind and heart were more settled.  A small voice, barely a whisper.  It wasn't audible, but it may as well have been because it was clear as day, "I will restore you."  That was it.  It wasn't repeated.  It wasn't explained.  I was short, concise and direct.

Over the next couple of years of trying to find the path to restoration, I came up empty.  I would have given up if it weren't for that moment.  But isn't that the point?  Every attempt we make to try and restore ourselves will come up empty.  Even if it is reading the Bible or worshipping or even praying.  The thing is, God has agenda-less love for us.  If we have an agenda, whether it's seeking restoration or not, I think we short-change ourselves.  When we bring an agenda to God, we are trying to play the slot machine and win big.  We are trying to use God instead of communing with him.

So what happened?

Pastor John called me one night after work.  He asked me, "Kyle, we've received a request to have a high school guys group.  Is that something you'd be interested in?"

Now keep in mind, I've searched for God in all the ways I know how and have come up short.  So why would I want to enter into a leadership position when I am still feeling hurt and broken?  How can he ask this of me when I have been seeking restoration and he has let me fall flat?  Why would I even think to agree to this?

Because, I. will. restore. you.

I said to John, "Yeah, sure..."

Now picture this.  Here I am, feeling like the worst person in the world to lead a youth group.  Extremely unprepared.  Spiritually a mess.  What happens?

The first night with the couple guys that come we talk about stuff that I was only beginning to touch on in two years at the previous church.  The next week, we talk about stuff far deeper than I ever even hoped to get.  It was amazing!

But what did I find?  I found God again.  He was waiting there for me, for two years!  God knew that when we fall, we need to get back up.  And he was there for me.  I started feeling God's loving healing wash over me.  Worship on Sunday mornings became more meaningful.  Song would bring me to tears on the way to work in the morning.

It's been four months now and my heart is very much on the mend.  Cynicism has been on the outs.  I'm not jaded towards faith anymore.  I can stand to sit down and read a personal growth type book again.  The words in the Bible have come alive again.  My faith has been restored, and my growth is on the move again.

So what did I learn?  What happens when we're bogged down and just can't get going?  Go out and serve someone.  In whatever capacity you can.  Whether it's volunteering at a soup kitchen or getting involved in a youth group or even leading worship.  Get involved.  Get going.  We can't sit around and think that by continuing to reside in our brokenness and pain we're going to magically get healed.  It doesn't happen.  It takes work.  A lot of the healing comes through action.   But brokenness festers with inaction.

Even if we think that there's no way were able to do any good, get going.  In my experience, God supplements our shortcomings when we commit to agenda-less faith and action for his glory.  Nothing requires more faith than committing to something we know we're not ready for.  But our leaning on Christ in our insufficiency leads to a deeper relationship, a deeper faith, and the best type of healing.

Be blessed, and get out there.

My $.02

-Kage

A Lot Has Happened

Well, here I am again writing another post saying, "Man, it's been a while since I posted." and "This time for sure I'm going to post more..." etc., etc.  But for the first time in a long while, I've actually been inspired to hop back on here and write.  So without further ado, let's catch up with the Galle's over the last year or so.

Labor Day 2011 Corrine and I moved into Worthington.  We basically traded gas money driving to work for rent.  It has been one of the best decisions we've made.  Not only are we closer to work/church/daycare, because of living in town it's like we've gained an hour of time each day that was previously taken up in our daily commute.

October 17, 2011.  Corrine, Melody and I welcome little Charles Dwayne into our family.  He's a hoot.  Big head, blue eyes, and out of sheer will, he's been walking for a month already.

This is Melody and Charlie in June.

March 2012.  I trade my drumset for a non-running motorcycle.  Waiting on two parts before she runs like a champ, can't wait!

June 2012.  Back in the youth ministry game.  Still working at Ag Parts, but Pastor John asked me to lead a High School guys' youth group.  I felt it was God telling me it was time to get off my duff and get back into it.  Up to this point I had felt that something was missing in my life.  Since getting back in, it's been wonderful.  It's a fairly small group, but it has been fantastic getting to know these guys.

July 2012.  Pastor John and his wife Grace decide to move down to Hot-lanta to be closer to their family.  They made it safely and are enjoying their time down there.  I miss his wisdom and guidance.

August 2012.  It's announced that Pastor Brad is going to be taking over John's role in leading Journey. Brad is a Fuller Sem. graduate that had been a pastor in a neighboring town.  He got burnt out over there and has been the county's family counselor for the past year.  They started coming to Journey about a year and a half ago.  Brad's one cool guy.  I'm really looking forward to what's in store for our community with Brad at the helm.

And that brings us to today.

Brad had asked to get together sometime and learn more about each other.  I thought it was a good idea since I knew who he was, but I didn't know anything about him except what he said in his little meet and greet at church.

We met tonight in a little, semi-trendy cafe in a town halfway between where we both live.  It was about a 30 mile dive for me, but that's alright, I like driving.  Drive time for me is a time to reflect on the day and process through the stress.

Brad was already there when I arrived.  What I thought was going to be a nice little "get to know you" type evening turned into a "Kyle-sees-a-therapist" type evening.  Ok, maybe it wasn't that bad.  But he did ask about when I worked at First Methodist.  And from then on it turned into a dish-session.  It wasn't so much a time for me to put everything out there.  But it was a time to talk through a couple of the things that have been lingering over the past two years.  I kind of amazed myself in how much I still had to say about getting fired.  To be perfectly honest it was a terrible thing to go through.  But in all reality, it was one of the best things that could have happened to me.

If I wouldn't have gotten fired, I would still be there, and I would be miserable.  I would be a burnt out pile of garbage youth pastor that would probably be in the process of getting fired.  But the bigger thing is that I wouldn't have been able to be part of the Journey community if I wouldn't have gotten fired.

Journey has been a place of healing and a place of spiritual sanctuary for me.  Without getting fired I would have never had to rely on God as much as I have in these past two years.  Before I got fired, I was floating along just trying to keep my head above water.  But then I started sinking and I needed someone to help me back to the top.

I know God doesn't heap coals onto us just to make us draw closer to him.  That's a selfish god.  But I do believe that sometimes you find yourself in hell and the only way out is to look to God.  I believe that's where I'm at right now.  I believe that I have a long ways to go, but little by little, as we rely more and more on God, we find ourselves further and further from hell.

Just remember what the Psalmist wrote, "Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."  May we hold the hope of morning close to our hearts.  And if we wake and find ourselves in the middle of the night, hold fast to God, for he is the morning.

Death of the Matriarch?

It was the winter of 2011. I was at work. I saw that I had received a phone call from my dad. The message was, “Hey, why don't you give me a call.”

I was pretty sure this was the call I had been dreading to get ever since my mom's mom had been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease two years prior.

I sheepishly called him back, fully expecting to get the news.

I call, and get my mom, “Hey, what's up?”

“Grandma died this afternoon.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“How are you holding up?”

“Oh I have my moments,” my mom said through the tears, “She asked Aaron to get her in her chair this morning because she wanted to look out the window. She hasn't been in her chair in three weeks, she's been too weak.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, Aaron then went to check on her and she was breathing real hard. He got her back to her room where she passed shortly after.”

“How's Aunt Cheryl doing? Is she a basket case?”

“Oh, she's doing alright. Grandma did a good job of preparing all of us before she left.”

“When are the services?”

“All of us kids are getting together tomorrow and I'll let you know after that.”

“Ok, I love you mom.”

“Love you too.”

I had two days of work before starting my bereavement leave. I guess it was just business as usual at work, must not have exuded a state of mourning. I was actually back-handedly accused of abusing the bereavement policy when I told my boss I was going to take the full three days even though we weren't leaving until Thursday morning. Oh well, next time I'll come to work with tears in my eyes, or act depressed, or maybe I'll just wear all black for a month so that people know I'm still mourning the loss of a loved one.

The truth of the matter is that Grandma would have never wanted people moping about over her. The very thought that someone would shed a tear over her passing would have been enough to make her live forever. Even so, I knew that the distance between home and Grandma had maybe dampened the impact of the news of her passing. And that as we got closer and closer to the wake and funeral, it would become real.

The services were the end of the next week in Grand Forks, ND. A short six hour drive on interstate from our place. It's amazing how much you can process in the span of a six hour drive. Especially a drive of that magnitude through the flat plains of eastern South Dakota and North Dakota. There's not much to look at, and if there's no ice, you can pretty much set the cruise and go. This is what we did. As Corrine and the kids slept through the drive, I did think a lot about Grandma. I thought about her and my grandpa, and how they had been married 40 years before I was even born, 46 in total before Grandpa passed in the late 80's. And then I thought about how Grandma had lived so independently for over twenty years. I thought about a woman that came from a small family in rural North Dakota. How she married my grandpa and went on to have six kids, 14 grandchildren, and a whole slew of great grandchildren. I thought about how she had to endure my uncle Jeff's sickness and passing in 2003. I thought about how hard it would be to have to bury one of my kids. I thought about when she was diagnosed with ALS and how her charisma and passion for life didn't change. I thought about how an 86 year old woman that has been diagnosed with ALS could be the strongest person I've ever known. And it's that strength and passion for life that wasn't there when I looked into the coffin at the wake.

When we got to town, we quickly changed and went over to the funeral home. I was greeted with many familiar faces, relatives I hadn't seen since the summer of 2002 at our last family reunion at the lake. Many I hadn't seen since well before that. It is unfortunate that an event like this is what brings us together, but that's life I guess.

Corrine and I took the kids up front to see Grandma. It's an interesting thing, a Raymond family wake. The family member who has passed sits in the front of the funeral home while everyone else stands in the back catching up. There's always big stories, big laughs, and big characters. As I was saying hello to everyone, I wondered if Grandma was lonely up in the front of the building. Either way, Corrine and I made our way to the front.

We saw Grandma, she was all done up. I don't know if it was the rigamortis or what, but she looked as if she was made. Her jaw looked clenched, lips a little pursed. It's like she was getting ready to raise her crooked pointer finger and give someone the business. She did look good though. But she wasn't there. It was the same feeling I felt when uncle Jeff died. Here was a person that looked like someone I knew, but was void of all life, love, laughter, and everything that made them who they were. The sparkle in their eye, the tenderness of their embrace, all gone.

It saddened me to see my grandma laying there. The choke started trickling up into my throat. I held the tears back and started to the back. As I was walking back, I started observing the rest of my family. Here were aunts and uncles that had also lost a mother and grandmother. You could tell they had sorrow in their eyes, but it was tempered with the relief that Grandma was not longer suffering. And it was through that relief that led them so quickly back to the joy and happiness that Grandma was known for. As I talked with my relatives, it was as if Grandma were there saying, “It's alright, I'm ok, now quit fussing and go on living.” It was in this moment that I realized that my Grandmother hadn't died, that she does live on. Her spirit is one of compassion, love, and joy. It's because of the foundations that she laid by living how she did, that her family can laugh at her wake and funeral.

I wonder if this is how it was in the final days before Jesus' death? And I wonder if this is the reason that Jesus came back for so long after he died? And I wonder if this is the ultimate testament to a person's life, are people crying or laughing at their funeral?

I know all of our time is limited on this planet, some more than others. But when my final day comes, I know I want people laughing.

-KaGe

Grandma Peaches and family.

Book Review: Love Wins by Rob Bell

About a month ago I picked up a copy of Rob Bell's new book, Love Wins. The book has unleashed a torrent of reactions ranging from celebrated praise to down right outrage at the message contained within. Bell has been through the meat grinder of interviews being accused of "Rewriting the Gospel," "Preaching only what people want to hear," and of course being judged to hell in all the fanciful ways that we Christians like to do it.

First off, let me say that I'm not a Calvinist. That being the case, I enjoyed this book. But I can definitely see why Calvinists (i.e. John Piper) would have a big problem with this book. And the conflict that Calvinists will have with the book are the topics of "salvation" and "choice". It's easy to see why Calvinists would have an issue in these areas because he talks about how we have Free Will, and that salvation may be for more than what the Calvinists think. Just the thought of something maybe being a little more gray-area-ish, would be enough to nudge any black-and-white thinking Calvinist to condemn this book and Bell. But that's the core of the conflict, some people only want answers and Bell asks some tough questions that the answer people don't have. And it's the uncertainty that drives the answer people crazy. So if you hate tough questions, don't read this book.

Now because of this book, Bell has been called everything from a heretic (again) to a universalist. All of which, I believe, is due to the accusers not grasping the scope of Bell's intent. Bell spends a fair amount of time writing about the Christian Universalist view on salvation. Which people have taken and made their accusations. But that is all preceded by Bell stating that everything we stand on for life after death is a guess. (Which I will tell you made me think, "Then why should I care?" And made it tough for me to finish the book...AKA why it took me so long to finish.) Which is just pure honesty in regards to the afterlife. But a Universalist doesn't believe in Hell, right? So if this is the case, Bell is NOT a Universalist because in many of his sermons and his previous books he talks, and sometimes precisely states, that he believes in heaven and hell.

Bell continues on in his book laying out Christian Universalism and how it might be possible. He uses scripture and logic to come to the conclusions that Christian Universalists hold. But he never says, "THIS is how it will be." If he did this, he would contradict what he lead with. But throughout the book, he poses tough questions based on the "accepted" stances within Christianity. Questions that I've had, questions that you've had, basically he delves into the questionable areas of our faith where there are no fantastic answers.

But the climax to the book, and I fear the part of the book that most negative reviewers never made it to or they were too mad to understand, was the last two chapters. In the last two chapters Bell brings it all together by describing how God's grace and love are greater than all views we hold of the afterlife, free will, and salvation. These two chapters really saved the book for me.

Bell discusses how since we can't be absolutely positive how the afterlife will play out, we can be absolutely positive that there are people in this world that are currently living in hell. He talks about a woman in his church that, for some time now, brings him a little slip of paper with a number written on it up to him after church. He says that the number is sometimes large and sometimes small. And what the number means is how many days it's been since she last cut herself. He talks about how the message she needs to hear is that she is unconditionally loved by a god that can help her overcome the addiction to self harm. But even more so that God loves her now, no matter how high or how low that number is, God's love and grace is never unattainable.

Now, the questions I have for us as Christians. Are we willing to actually believe that God's love is greater than all theologies and doctrines of salvation? Are we willing to believe that when John writes, "God is love," that this statement is one of the most profound statements in the Bible? Are we willing to believe that only through love, not judgement or condemnation, can we bring true glory to God?  Or are we going to continue to live within the stereotype that Christians are stuck up, arrogant, hypocrites that don't practice what they preach? Maybe the better testament to Christ is not how our devotions or prayer lives are going, rather, how have you loved one another today?

My $.02.
-KaGe

Moving...

The past few months Corrine and I have been looking for a place to live in Worthington.  It's been a tough road since the housing market in Worthington is absolutely ridiculous.  If it's not overpriced, it's terribly neglected, and a lot of times it's both.

Well we finally found a rental in Worthington that's within our price range.  We heard about the place last Sunday and hadn't even seen it a week ago. So within two days we had to see it and decide if we wanted it. It is a lot smaller than our current house. But our current house is way to big for a family of three. So after we get done downsizing and moving, we'll finally be living in Worthington. And THAT is good news.

There are many different reasons why moving to Worthington is going to be good for us. There's the $300/month that we'll save in driving to work. There's the extra hour each day we'll have at home and not commuting to work. There's the savings in utilities that we're anticipating in a house half the size of our current one. But one of the huge changes that we're excited about is that it will allow me to get back into youth ministry as a volunteer.

Our church, Journey, doesn't have a formal youth ministry.  And I think a lot of people wouldn't like having such a huge program driven ministry. One of the big credits to Journey is that we are very relational based in our ministry. And having a big youth ministry program would seem to go against some of the key aspects that makes Journey such an impacting community.

Over the last couple months, Pastor John and I have been discussing how I can get involved in leading a growth group. Growth groups are what really fuel the discipleship at Journey, they're what strengthens our community. When Pastor John first asked me to lead one I was a little hesitant. I was still dealing with past betrayals and very potent emotions. It took a few months to heal those wounds and with God's help, endless patience, and overflowing love, my heart feels healed. Scarred, but healed.

I think the scars that we endure are, a lot of times, marks of wisdom. There's the saying, "Hindsight is 20/20." I believe it's through these scars that we get shaped into a stronger and wiser person.

I truly believe it when Paul says in Corinthians that God will never put too much on our plate, but rather gives a way out in everything. Even though I didn't know if I would be back in a place where my heart could handle youth ministry again. I believe that in this past year I have become stronger, wiser, and have fallen more in love with God than ever before.

Love Wins

Rob Bell's book Love Wins has sparked a huge response in the church.  A couple weeks ago I picked up this book and decided to delve into the conflict. This post isn't going to be a review of the book. It's not going to be a theological discourse on why Rob Bell is right or wrong. Rather it's going to be a quick note on an idea that Rob Bell brings up in the book, almost in passing, and the importance of this idea.

Christianity as seen by the secular world seems to be a people group that has some wild beliefs about the world, creation, and living with a strong emphasis on judgmental legalism. They are a pious group that are more concerned with the do's and don't's within the scripture than the actual message of the bible. They are politically very conservative, willing to ban abortion, but unfortunately have little to no concern for the poor. When in doubt, the default to the "tough love" mentality in which a person should be self made and just has to tighten down his boot straps to succeed. They look to be given answers and will stand on the answers given to them even though the answers seem to contradict each other. They are a black and white people, they don't like questions that may have more than one answer and therefore hate it when people ask questions they don't have answers to. THIS is why evangelical christianity thinks that Rob Bell is a heretic. He asks tough questions and isn't content with the old standard Sunday School answers.

From what I've read so far, Rob Bell is presenting ideas that are no less supported by scripture than other more prominently held beliefs.

A big question Bell asks in the book is, what if Christians actually lives out the two great commandments? What if Christians were actually serious about the power of love? What if people actually loved their neighbor? What would the world be like if you loved, not only your geographical neighbor, but your neighbors in mankind? What if Christians were actually concerned about the poor and needy, not because it's something nice to do, but rather because it's a mandate from God, delivered by Jesus himself? It's right there in the bible. Matthew 22:36-40. The Pharisees ask Jesus which is the greatest commandment. Jesus responds, "Love the Lord with all your heart, mind, and soul. This is the first and greatest. The second is like it, love your neighbor as yourself. All the law and prophets hang on these two commandments."
Doesn't it seem a little silly that Jesus is asked for one great commandment and he gives two? Love God. First, greatest. Love your neighbor. Second. They are two different things, but aren't they actually inseparable? Is it possible to love God without loving your neighbor? I don't think it is. If you attempt to love God without a concern for your fellow man, you get a dogmatic list of dos and don't's to live by. You get religion, but no life. You get tradition, but it's dead. You die without ever knowing what love is. The simple truth is that God is love. How do we show our love to our neighbor? By going to church? By singing upbeat songs? By raising our hands during public prayer? By having a "come and join us" mentality? No. It's by going and entering in to the garbage that life gives our neighbors and saying, "I don't have all the answers, but I'm here so we can find them together."

The fact is that after the Greatest Commandments there is also the Great Commission in which the first word is "go". We were made to be relational beings. How do we live out the greatest commandments? By going out into the world and loving other people the way Jesus loved us. By being angry and injustice in the world, our country, our city, and our neighborhood. Tough love is tough, but it's not love. It's not good enough to exist under the Christian label. If we are unconcerned about injustice, how can we claim to be a people of love? How can we claim Jesus if we reject his purpose?

My challenge is to find ways, international or local, where we can confront injustice and pour love into it. Find says in which we can go and love. This is our greatest mandate. Are you willing?

Not Good Enough Gospel

Corrine and I have been part of a great Christian community for the past six or seven months called Journey. One aspect of Journey is that we utilize sermon series by either Andy Stanley or Erwin McManus. We alternate between the two. Stanley's sermons are more practical in nature. Whereas McManus tends to be less practical in that he seems to lead you to the answer instead of just blatantly stating the point of the lesson. That said, I get WAY more out of the Erwin messages.

Well today we heard the last in a series from Andy Stanley. His message was about not putting Jesus in a box and trying to abuse your "relationship" with him. I get this. It makes sense. God is way bigger than a simple genie in a bottle. But Stanley seemed to be really heavy handed in pushing the "You're not doing this good enough" aspect of the message.  Which I believe may be stated and preached on too much.

My concern with this message is that it's only preaching to those that are lukewarm in their faith. I personally believe that many people are hurting and suffering and searching. My question is, where is the hope? Where is the love? Why wouldn't you.continue on in the message and say, "We're all screwed if we rely on Jesus in a can. But Jesus is bigger than this and is begging for a deeper relationship. We all fall short, but we all have access to a love, life, and relationship greater than anything we could.ever imagine."

My question is, are you willing to dive deeper? Are you willing to allow.God to fill your life with what you're lacking? Are you willing to fill the gaps and transform yourself? If not, that's ok, Jesus is patient...and still loves you through whatever you're dealing.with.

BRING BACK THE BLOG!!!

So the past few months I haven't posted anything due to lack of internet connection/no computer. But alas, the world of Android has given me renewed access to the world of the blog. It will take me longer to write and the posts may be shorter and my thumbs will probably cramp up and I will have more and more typos, but I will be back.

Lots or stuff has happened over the past couple months, and I look forward to writing once again!

On Judgement

It seems to me that I have a new gauge for myself.  It’s unfortunate, but it still runs through my mind.  

I have written volumes on “Legalism,” and I don’t think anyone that’s a regular reader will be surprised by me saying that I hate it.  It goes against all things ‘love’. There is no grace, there is no mercy, there is no forgiveness, and all things judgement when we fall into the realm of legalism.  But enough about that, and onto the topic at hand...my gauge.

Recently I’ve been working a job with men and women that would probably be considered rough around the edges.  Just to give you an idea of my job; most use the F-word as a noun, adjective, and verb...some all in the same sentence.  No joke is funny unless it’s either racist, sexist, or both.  Most smoke like a chimney.  And our annual Christmas party consists of an open bar and karaoke with many poor renditions of ‘Friends in Low Places’.  But I love these guys and gals.  It makes me happy to see these people make light of a dirty, hard job.  It’s not easy to tear down a burnt, four wheel drive John Deere in under a week.  But the man that can and still end the week with a smile on their face (even if he’s smiling because of the last off-color joke just said) and still punch in on time Monday morning is more a man than most.  It takes a lot of commitment and humility to work at a place like Ag Parts.  It’s not a pretty job, it’s not a clean job, there’s no parade or ceremony if we make budget, but these guys have worked hard for more years than most, and can go home and enjoy their families.  This is what I like.  These people I don’t feel judged by, these people I’d call on a weekend to hang out with.

Now the gauge.

This past weekend my roommate from college and close friend, Garrett, held his bachelor party.  Seven of us were in attendance.  We visited the Leinenkugel’s Brewery in Chippewa Falls, WI.  It was a great time.  Last year Garrett, two other friends, and I toured the Schell’s Brewery in New Ulm, MN.  It’s become a good reason for us to spend a weekend together in brotherhood and learn a little bit more about something we enjoy...beer.  Many times through college we’d have our beer and Bible study nights drinking our favorite brews while engaging in study and Christian fellowship.  Basically it was what kept us accountable through our massive hormonal and maturing process that takes place in college.

This last weekend was a great weekend.  We caught up on what was happening in each other’s lives.  We spent long hours talking through different things we were worried about, struggling with, and anything in between.  We did this of course while drinking nice brews, sipping fine whiskeys and enjoying some great cigars.  All the while we were growing deeper in what I would consider Christian brotherhood.  And here’s where the gauge falls in.  The whole time I was wondering, “Is this what I got fired at the church for?” or, “The church would fire me for sure if they knew I was doing this,” and the most frequent thought was, “If they knew about this, for sure they wouldn’t think of me as a Christian.”

My question is: in our world of progressive Christianity, Christian conservatism, and general immorality throughout, why do we still feel it necessary to judge others?  Now I’m no saint in this either.  I’ll be honest, there are times where I’ll hear about someone, see how someone’s dressed, or just a general first impression that basically amounts to me looking for the speck in their eye.  And this isn’t a rare occurrence either. Maybe some of you saints will think me a dirty sinner, but that’s kind of been par for the course.  Maybe we’re just preprogrammed to think of ourselves better than others? Or maybe we see ourselves as sacrificing so much for the church and therefore when we think of somebody that may not be as holy as us, we look down upon them?  Or maybe it’s just a big barrel of hog wash and we should get over ourselves.  We’ll tell the world that our lives should revolve around Christ.  So why do we still think that everyone needs to live up to our standards?  Why do we still compare ourselves to everyone?  Do we not truly believe it when we talk about living sacrifices and the continual pursuit of righteousness?  Or maybe we believe too much that righteousness is a destination and not the journey that it actually is.  If righteousness were a destination in this world, then we’d have those that have achieved it and those that haven’t, and either/or situation.  If this were the case, then there would definitely be a place in this world for judgement.  But if this were the case, it’d just boil down to our silly illegal immigration debate that we seem to never get through in our country.  

So what’s the answer?  We need to truly look at ourselves, judge ourselves properly first.  Do exactly what Christ did with the men who wanted to stone the woman caught in adultery.  Those that are blameless, cast the first stone.  If you’re not blameless, drop your stone and come join the rest of us.

-Kage

Thus ends the drought...

It's been weeks, and darn near three months.  But today, I end my writing drought. 

First off, a couple updates on me personally.

The past three months have been busy.  I was hired back at Worthington Ag Parts at the beginning of September, right at the beginning of harvest season.  Therefore it was a two month sprinted marathon at the store.  The weeks were full of long days, short nights, and a lot of Ibuprofen.  The last month has been spent doing various inventory stuff.  Not quite as tiring, but it still wears on a guy.  Now there's white stuff on the ground which dictates many layers.  This is honestly the first time I've ever worn Long Johns in the winter time.  Hooray for new experiences!

Now, I understand a lot of you, if you're still out there, may be thinking, "I bet he's miserable, is he going to go back into ministry, what's this have to do with spirituality/ministry/youth/life/etc.?" Well, actually, it has everything to do with all of those things.  Over the past three months God has slowly been patching the wounds left by the fallout of my previous position.  Sure there are times when memories of those two months swell up and I feel overwhelmed with negative feelings.  But those times are fewer and further between.  I never knew how hard true forgiveness would be.  I always use to think that people should just buck up and get over it.  But I didn't really know what it was like to be scarred in the very place you hold dear.  I hold my faith and my relationship with Christ at the very core of my heart.  What I was told by a parent were things like, "We need a man of God, and you're not it," and, "You ruined our youth," and, "You are obviously not cut out for ministry," and, "You're using our kids to make yourself look better," and, "You obviously have no idea what you're doing," and, "You have made this youth program all about you," I was obviously wounded. (And this was all in one phone call which defined Proverbs 29:20 and 22 to a T.)  These are the worst scars I have to overcome.  But God turns all things for good, right?  So what do I have to worry about?

Now, on to the ministry question.  Currently, Corrine and I are still "shopping".  I know I've written many times on confronting conflict within a church instead of just leaving for another church.  But in this extreme case, it seems a must to find our church community elsewhere.  Wherever we land, I assure you we will look for ways to contribute to the community instead of just being seat warmers. 

One of the churches that we're looking into, Journey, seems pretty promising.  It's a far cry from the place where we were.  Journey holds their worship service in a local coffee shop, BenLee's (by the way, if you're ever in town, stop and get a Mocha...wonderful!).  Journey has a very informal, fellowship focused service.  It seems that their focus is not so much in the preaching and teaching from the pulpit, but rather through interaction and community outreach.  Corrine and I are going to meet with the pastor sometime in the next couple weeks to talk more on the mission of Journey.

There are a couple other places we're going to check out.  But since churches only have a weekly services, it takes time to actually check them out.  Hopefully by mid-January we'll know where we'll be going.

Now, since this is where Corrine and I are at, as far as finding a church goes, it's going to be some time before I can get back into ministry.  And even when I do, it will almost assuredly not be professional ministry.  And honestly, I dont' know if that's such a bad thing.  Here's why.  Before I got the job at First UMC here in Worthington, I was working at Ag Parts and volunteering with another local youth group.  The connections made with the youth and Corrine and I were amazing.  It was awe-inspiring watching God work.  We still have close relationships with a lot of the youth (now college students).  When I started at FUMC, there was a noticeable shift in how the new youth responded to me.  At first I thought it was just that they were new kids and new relationships had to be formed.  But as time progressed, I noticed that it was something more than that.  It was more like there was an expectation for me to build these relationships, and as such, they were more willing to keep their distance.  It was harder and harder to build authentic relationship since building relationships was my job.  Whether it was blatant or not, the youth didn't respond.  If I look back on my ministry as a volunteer, there was no expectation of a guy working at a tractor salvage to have any interest in the lives of youth.  They saw this, and therefore relational barriers fell earlier.  It seemed that at FUMC, the very fact that my job title was Youth Director sabotaged my ministry. 

So will I go back into full time ministry?  Maybe...someday...who knows?  Not right now though.  If I can be more effective and not be a "minister", then I think that's the route to take.  As far as working at the tractor salvage goes, I'm loving it.  I like the work, I like the camaraderie with the co-workers, I like being outside and not trapped indoors for 40 hours a week.  The pay could be better, but that's what raises are for.

As for me: I am Kyle, I am a youth minister, and I work at Worthington Ag Parts.

Just an update

Sorry I haven't had anything to post in the last month.  It's not that there's been any lack of writing.  Just a lack of good writing with good points.  Mostly just rants about trivial items that no one would find interesting.

So here's the update:

Back in June I upset a parent from my church.  Well, as per the request of my church board, I have resigned as of August 31.  It's been an ugly past couple of months, but God is still on the move.  I just finished two weeks of uber-stress trying to find a new job, any job, that will pay the bills.  For the next couple months I will be working with a friend laying dranage tile in some fields in SE South Dakota and SW Minnesota. 

I do believe that God has set this time aside for me and my wife to heal from the events of the last couple months.  That healing being both emotional and spiritual.  I've never had someone out to get me like this and without close friends and family with good advice and mentoring, I don't think I'd know where to start. 

Up until the board asked for my resignation, I thought forgiveness was simple.  I could not understand people that held life long grudges against people over one simple event in their lifetimes.  I don't think I've ever really known true anger and hate up until now either.  Let me tell you, these are scary emotions to deal with.  And forgiveness is turning out to be one obstacle that I will be focusing on in the coming months.  I do think that I will be able to come to a place of forgiveness, but the only way I will is through time spent with my Savior. 

I will write more on my journey to forgiveness over the next couple months.  Who knows, maybe I'll write so much on the subject that you'll get bored with it. One thing I do know is that forgiveness is my goal, and as a goal it is yet to be acheived.  Pray for me and my family and close friends that have been in the thick of the muck we call "Anger", the mire we call "Hate", and the ashes we call "Division".

-Kyle

Chapter 5 - Studying the Bible

I’ve always shied away from the term devotions.  I’m the one that gets uncomfortable when people talk about their devotional life and how God’s been uncovering massive, life-changing things through their 16-hour morning bible study marathons.  I’ve always felt like a failure when people say things like, “I’ve been struggling with my morning devos.  I missed two days this week!”  All the while I’m thinking if you have to have your devotions in the morning and every day, then I’m a total failure.  I’ve never felt quite up to snuff when comparing myself to my best friend Brian.  His Bible is always worn out and full of highlights.  He reads his Bible so much, pages are falling out.  Just the sight of his rugged, falling apart Bible is enough to remind me how little I measure up to his devotional life. 

                I became a Christian in high school.  Sure I attended Sunday School, church, and even the prayer meetings my pastor would hold with us.  The times that I would read my Bible I was usually left confused and not fully understanding what the passages really meant.  I mean sure passages like “Love your neighbor” were easy.  But then when you get to when Paul is talking about being able to do “All things through Christ…” what does the world “all” entail?

                I remember one time when I was a senior in high school I was leading the Junior High Sunday School class.  Being the “Real” Christian and one of elevated biblical knowledge, I decided to let the class decide which passage they wanted to talk about.  I had convinced myself that any passage could be fully understood by what’s in the text.  I said, “Pick any verse that you want to talk about, and we’ll discuss it.”  One of the class members jumped at the opportunity.  “Ok.”  He flipped his Bible open to one of the books of Kings and blindly pointed at a verse like he was picking who to prank call in a phone book.  Here’s how it went down.

                “Kings?” I don’t know anything about Kings.  I don’t think I’ve ever even read anything from the books of Kings.  Well, we’ll see how it goes.                 
                 Student, “Yep, you said anything!”
                “Ok, we’ll let’s look at it.”  Oh thank God it’s just talking about genealogy.  This will be easier.  “Well, right here it’s just talking about the different Kings during this time in the Bible.  There’s not a real big lesson in here to speak of but follow God’s commands.  Ok, how about this, let’s flip to Philippians 4:13.  This is a verse that’s really helped me through different things.”  Good save Kyle.  Now I’ve read Philippians like a thousand times, it’s going to be easy to build a lesson around this verse.  It’s so easy to understand and the lesson is right there on the top!  “Ok, the text says, ‘I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.’  As you can see, this is Paul telling us that if we depend on Jesus, he’ll allow us to make it through everything.  We’ll be able to do all things.”
                Student, “ALL things?”
                “Yep, all things.”
                “You’re telling me that if I believe in Jesus, I’ll be able to fly?”
                I’ve never thought of that.  If I believe in Jesus, can I fly?  Well, I believe in Jesus but I’ve not been able to fly yet.  Maybe it’s just a matter of faith.  Maybe if I have more faith, then I’d be able to fly.  But now I’m stuck and the room’s silent.  They’re looking to me for an answer that I don’t have.  Let’s see if the answer is here in the text or the study notes…hmm…nope, it just says ‘all’.  Well, they need an answer and I don’t want to question the scripture’s authority or the truth therein.  So here goes.
                “Well…I guess if you believe in Jesus enough, you’ll be able to.  The scriptures say ‘all’, so I’m assuming ‘all’ means all things.”

                That’s right.  I told a student that if he believed in Jesus enough, that he’d be able to fly!  Needless to say the student didn’t really buy it.  I didn’t really buy it.  But in the name of preserving the inerrancy of the scriptures I had to answer the way I did.  I don’t really believe that we can fly if we believe enough.  It’s just my view of scripture and my failure in looking at any sort of context led me to that belief.  Maybe that’s why many Christians and non-Christians think that Paul hates women.  Or the same reason that many churches think drinking and smoking are sins, or the reason the same was believed about dancing and playing cards.  Maybe all these legalistic claims of sin are just a broad misinterpretation from poorly informed church leaders…well, wouldn’t that be unfortunate.  The result might be a liberal use of the word ‘heathen’ or a broad condemnation of a people group that’s already marginalized in our American society.  Nothing screams ‘love’ like ‘HEATHEN!’ or ‘SINNERS!’ or ‘YOU’RE GOING TO HELL!’  Hmm…I’m feeling more warm and fuzzy as we speak.

                After this Sunday School experience I felt skeptical about what I actually knew about the Bible.  Then I went off to Northwestern College in St. Paul.  Surely I was going to find a unity of thought and spirit at a Christian College.  There were a bunch of Christians that went to the school.  I even had to discuss my testimony on the application.  You can’t fake a testimony.

                Brian and I arrived at NWC the same day.  We were able to room together with another guy from Illinois.  Brian and I were convinced that our roommate was going to be black.  First, his last name was Watts.  Second, when Brian talked to him on the phone, he had an ‘urban’ sound to his voice.  And finally, and this was the kicker, he was from Illinois, which had Chicago, which had an exponentially higher African American population than Southwestern Minnesota. 

                So Brian and I were at the dorm room first.  We moved all of our stuff into the room and claimed the bunk beds.  Brian got top bunk, which I wasn’t too upset about.  We were all prepared for Sam to come and make bestest friends with our new, African American roommate.  So we were a little shocked when Sam walked in and he was as blazing white as the snow in the middle of January!  He didn’t even have a tan, he had blonde hair, AND he was from a town in Illinois that was even more rural than Southwest MN.  So there went Brian and my hopes of entering into diversity.

                At NWC I learned a few things about Bible study and prayer.  They can become stale.  Really stale.  When my first fall semester began, I was excited about the opportunity to go deeper in the Bible.  I made a point to attend our hall’s weekly bible study.  It was fun, but I didn’t know anybody there and felt out of place and so my attendance became irregular.  Then when my Old Testament class began I stopped going all together. 

                In my Old Testament class we’d talk about the history behind the books, the meaning underneath the text, and different ways we can interpret different passages.  To say the least, the scriptures became an intricate ball of string that couldn’t be undone within the confines of a semester.  I remember thinking that it was a never ending puzzle of ancient history.  And if it had this much depth and confusion within it, how can we think we can gain any sort of understanding within the confines of a half hour in my RA’s dorm room?  I thought my RA was vastly under qualified to be teaching anything from the Bible.  But even though I had a class where reading the Bible was a homework assignment, I still couldn’t bring myself to sit and read it.

                It was a week before Final’s Week and I had a lot of reading to catch up on.  Sure there was only one question to answer on the final regarding your reading, “What percentage of the OT have you read?”  And it would have been really easy to just forget about reading the whole thing and mark 100% down on the final.  But I had my integrity to think about.  Is an extra few points on the final worth lying for?  Could I look the professor in the eye afterwards?  He’d know, and even if he didn’t, I’d know.  So I had about ten days to read three fourths of the Old Testament so I could hold together my personal integrity.  It’s lucky I didn’t have a whole lot of other homework, otherwise I would have never gotten through it.  But I read, and read, and read.  I’d sit on our couch with my Bible, which was a NASB and not easy to read, and plow through it.  I’d wake up in the morning and read.  I’d eat lunch and read.  I’d come home after class and read.  I’d read until I couldn’t keep my eyes open at night.  And then, two days before the final, I finally finished it.  I read every last word in that testament.  I read through Numbers, through Psalms, even through all of the Minor Prophets. 

I went to take my final and was able to write, ‘100%’ down on my test.  But something didn’t feel right.  I should have been able to proudly write my accomplishment down.  It should have been a crowning achievement to acknowledge that I had completed that work.  But something wasn’t right.  It might have been that as I looked around the lecture hall I knew that there were probably any number of students that would lie about their reading, probably just like they more than likely lied about their testimony on their college application.  Or it might have been that I had let the reading drag and was embarrassed that I had to catch up so much at the end of the semester.  But what I think the biggest reason is that even though I had read every single verse in the Old Testament, I didn’t recall any of it.  I couldn’t tell you anything about the book of Job, or what the Psalmists were writing about, or what any of the prophets had done.  I had spent the better part of two weeks pushing through the Old Testament and even though I had read the words, I didn’t read the scriptures.  This was the first time that I had realized that simply reading your Bible isn’t good enough.

When I realized that my reading of the Bible was futile, and that it took a deeper, more in-depth approach to learning what it said, I lost heart for it.  Not to say that I renounced my Christian beliefs.  Far from it.  But I stopped reading the Bible altogether.  Sure I’d read it if I had to for class, and I read all sorts of books about the bible through my various classes.  But as far as searching out meaning within the scriptures goes, I was done.  That is, until Racine.

After my second year at NWC, I decided that I should probably get a job at a summer camp.  Corrine and I were pretty steady at that time and I didn’t want to be far from her for the summer, so I settled on Camp Shetek only about a half hour from her place.

Camp Shetek is a small Lutheran camp that sits on an island linked to the mainland by a series of dikes.  I had a lot of friends that went there while I was growing up.  I was Methodist, so I couldn’t go.  But I’d heard many good things about Shetek and thought it’d be a good source of summer fun and income.  I was hired that May and arrived for the most life-changing summer that I’ve had apart from the summer I got married and the summer that I had my first child.  This summer would change my motivation for everything.

Life at Shetek was a blast.  There were a bunch of people that worked there that were attending Augustana College in Sioux Falls, SD.  So many of them knew each other.  I had convinced Sam to come work at Shetek also, so I wasn’t flying solo.  It was easy to make friends at Shetek.  The camp director, Chad, was also a big movie buff, so that also helped. 

The summer started.  The kids flooded in and organized chaos ensued.  It was a very spiritual time for me.  This was the first time that I’d been in full time ministry.  Sure I had volunteered at my church and helped with various youth groups.  But this was the first time that I was, as a counselor, in charge of the spiritual formation of young kids.  It was a pretty daunting task when you think of it.  You have one week to befriend, relate to, and then nurture this child’s faith.  And then at the end of the week, you get to do it all over again.  It was fun, but it definitely went by at lightning speed.

For one week of camp, I was chosen to help lead one of the mission trips out to Racine, WI.  Two other counselors and I took fifteen youth out for a week of working with the Lighthouse ministry in Racine.  It was an inner-city mission organization that was centered in the very worst of the city.  It was the first time that I’d done any sort of urban mission trip.  I had gone to Crow Creek, SD for a week.  But Crow Creek is far from urban.

What we experienced in Racine was life changing.  One of the aspects of the Lighthouse ministry was to help rebuild a historical building that had been abandoned and subsequently purchased for pennies.  I know it seems weird, but in this particular part of Racine, there is nothing for the people to take any community pride in.  Here was a building that was on the verge of being demolished.  Years prior, Pastor Ron had come in and decided that rebuilding this place would provide a sense of community pride.  And on the plus side, it would be used as a community center and also housed his ministry called Wrap Kidz.

Wrap Kidz was a summer afternoon program for kids in first through fifth grade.  Pastor Ron’s intent was to educate the kids of the community and show them that there was a different way to life than just drugs and gangs.  Many of the kids lived in various drug houses in the community.  Pastor Ron could walk down the street and point out the different houses that were being used to sell drugs.  On one block there were three or four in a row!  To say the least, this was a community that was far from my rural, middle-class upbringing. 

At the house, we’d work all morning doing various tasks around the building.  Sometimes pounding nails out of boards, sometimes sweeping and mopping.  There was a wall that had to come down that our team was able to take out.  Then in the afternoons we’d split up in groups and canvas the community picking up kids.  The community wasn’t safe enough for the kids to walk to the Lighthouse on their own, but we were never messed with in our groups.  When asked about if we’d be questioned, Pastor Ron replied, “If you announce you’re from Wrap Kidz, you’ll be fine.  Wrap Kidz is respected in the neighborhood.  The people can see the good it’s doing and if anyone tries to mess with you, you’ll have many angry relatives flood the streets to protect you.”  On one occasion, Pastor Ron told us that after him and his wife had been working in the community for a year, someone had vandalized his car.  He didn’t have the money to fix it, but when the community caught wind of what had happened, the neighborhood came together to root out the vandal and forced them to pay for the repairs.

Now you may be asking yourself, what does this have to do with studying the Bible?  Well, up until this time, my faith had never been stretched.  I had a nice little faith that kept me safe and made me feel good.  I did the right things, said the right things, and went to church on Sunday.  I didn’t have any money to give to the church, so I helped out where I could.  But up until now, my faith had been very convenient.  Up until now, ‘sacrifice’ was a word I would have used to describe giving up pop for Lent, ‘gospel’ was a word I used to describe the four books in the Bible, and ‘faith’ was a word I thought could maybe give you the power of flight.  Not until this week in Racine did I realize that Sacrifice, Gospel, and Faith were words to be lived out in life.  Like I said, up until this week my faith was convenient.  But after this week I would come to realize that our faith cannot be convenient.  A convenient faith is no faith at all.  A faith that doesn’t lead you to hard conversations, short funds, and an appreciation for the simple things in life like shelter, food, and sanctuary, that faith is no faith at all.  That faith is holding up words in a book as idols.  A faith that leads you into the hell of this world is a living faith.  The gospel that begs to be brought into the living hell of a teenage girl that is contemplating suicide, that’s a living gospel.  The sacrifice of all things convenient, all things ‘success’, that’s a living sacrifice. 

Before my week in Racine, sacrifice, faith, and the gospel were all things that I could learn in a book.  And I’m a pretty good student, so I thought I was doing alright.  But if we boil our faith down to book work, then it’s no faith at all.  Before my week in Racine, James 2 was a nice concept, but I hadn’t seen it lived out.  But working with Pastor Ron and the Lighthouse ministry taught me that the concepts that many people with many degrees that have written exhaustively over the years, cannot be understood until they’re put into practice.  Studying the Bible makes no sense unless you’re living out the messages contained within the pages.  It’s not ancient history, it’s not a compilation of fairy tales.  It’s a book that rich with life changing stories and themes.  Can we fully understand the love and romance written about in Song of Solomon if we fail to engage in love and romance in our lives?  Can we fully understand the betrayal of Adam and Eve if we don’t relate it to a time when we were betrayed?  Can we fully understand the faith that is written about in Hebrews if we refuse to have the same faith?

Have you ever wondered what it means when someone says that the scriptures are alive today?  Nothing has changed since the time of Abraham, David, or even Jesus.  Suffering is still suffering.  Pain is still pain.  But thankfully, love is still love, compassion is still compassion, and faith is still faith.  Never before have I believed more fully in James 2:

What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him?  Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food.  If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?  In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.”  Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.” James 2:14-18 (NIV)