I may be a tad existential...

hullo everyone, it's a wonderful, snowy early spring day. the kind of day that just makes you want to grab your winter gear and go out and enjoy the day...or puke!

ok, this post is my little attempt at being somewhat of a philosopher and throwing out big words such as existential, and philosophical...the reason that i'm writing is because last night i was hit with inspiration. yes, it was inspiration from a movie...no, it wasn't a crappy sap-tastic (scrap-tastic?) movie that's meant to make everyone cry because the little boy finally made it... no, it wasn't even an emotionally charged movie that's sole purpose is to lure the eyes and ears of women to display unrealistic, emasculated men (also read: Hugh Grant/Jude Law/Robert Pattinson) and force their male companions to sit through only to tear up and utter the words, "he loves *sniff* her soooo *sniff**sniff* much... (no he doesn't, it's a movie, it's fake, it's ridiculous).

nope, this movie was of the action variety (and before anyone of the female equation starts commenting how action movies are more unrealistic than romance/crappy movies i know, that's what makes them so great. there's no reason for 25 cars to blow up on the interstate in the opening chase scene in bad boys 2, but it's cool to watch). the movie is "equilibrium". most people don't remember it/never heard of it, and that's alright. it stars heart throbs christian bale and taye diggs. it's a big brother/post apocalyptic government flick. the story is that after WW3, the human race decided that it cannot withstand another WW, and also came to the conclusion that the reason for all the hate/rage/violence was from emotion. so, they developed a drug to be taken multiple times a day to keep people from feeling emotion. anyone found guilty of "sense offense" is then arrested and if found guilty of willfully missing the doses, are burned or at least imprisoned.

so the story follows christian bale's character. he's a high ranking enforcement official (a cleric) that leads teams into the nether regions to find and eliminate sense offenders. he's the best at it. his cleric partner (played by sean bean) has been missing doses and has fallen into deep sense offense. he's gone as far as stealing a book of poetry and driving into the nethers each night to read in an old half-way demolished cathedral. eventually christian bale finds him and executes him, but is haunted by bean's final words a quote from the poet William Yeats: "But I, being poor, have only my dreams. I have spread my dreams under your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."

in a mishap the next day, christian bale misses his morning dose. that particular day their forces fight another coupe of offenders, burn a room full of illegal contraband (such as paintings, music, a snow globe), and eventually start killing dogs (because they don't know what the people were breeding them for). when he returns to his place that night (after being barraged with all of these emotion triggering events) he lays down to sleep. he dreams nightmares of when they took his wife and wakes up in a cold sweat. when he wakes up it's morning, the sun's rising and for the first time in his life he feels the sunrise. he experienced it. this is the point that i wanted to get to.

the reason i'm writing this is because last night when i was watching this movie, it came to this scene. right after this christian bale's character rushes into the bathroom where he has his dosage waiting, he hurriedly loads the injector and puts it to his neck...but decides to not inject. and i wondered, when's the last time i experienced a sunrise? and am i inadvertently rushing into the bathroom to inject myself because i don't want to experience it? probably not, but if i don't acknowledge the day and its events (such as a sunrise, the impending snow storm, the calm breeze that blows across the lake) i am missing out on the beauty that is lying in wait for us each and every day.

and it doesn't necessarily have to be that we're missing it completely...maybe just partially. for example, i like to drive around the lake, it's a great five to ten minute endeavour that treats me to some nice looking houses and of course the beautiful lake. for some reason i have always gone counter clockwise around the lake. i don't know why, it's just when i come to the turn, i always take a right. well last sunday i was early to town for an event and i decided to drive around the lake. it wasn't that i planned on taking a left this time, it just happened...and oh my goodness...the drive was one of the most beautiful things i'd seen in a while. it may have been the calm of the lake, the way the sun shone on the houses, or maybe just because it was a different view...it was great. it was the same exact stuff that i'd looked at countless times before...just a different view. just like in the movie, it was the same sunrise he'd seen in the past, but until he acknowledged it was there, it had no meaning.

now maybe i'm stretching this a bit, but my point is, we need to take time to notice the beauty around us. maybe it's the cool springtime breeze, maybe it's the pitter-patter of the rain, maybe it's the big heavy snowflakes falling for the last time until november, maybe it's the beauty of your significant other. whatever it is, we need to notice it. and unless we decide to start noticing the details that god has set before us, we're going to just coast through life...missing it.

start noticing the world today...start living in the beauty tomorrow.

-kyle